Yellow Butterflies
by Lady Pickles
Summary: One-Shot. LuxeL. 2009.


So, I got this idea listening to a song I found, and I realized I needed to write SOMETHING before Dec. 2nd, which is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY FOR LOVE AFTER DEATH! WHOOOOOT. Anyways..... this is a really, really depressing one-shot. (sorry, i'm not a romantic/comedy type of person, and I really, really do suck at horror. Kekeke.) But anyways. No flames, alright? It was a quick thing I did in one night, to a song I got stuck in my head. I kinda had this whole... like, music video in my head, and I just wrote it out as really fast as I could. Hopefully you'll review!

Well, to all of you out there.... thanks for sticking with me, and as soon as I'm done moving to Cali, and settled in, I will work on the next chapter for Love After Death. I swears! And then I'll try working the Leviathan story a bit more. That, I'll have to re-watch a ton of ghibli films for! x3 Hehehehe.

**DISCLAIMER! I do not own the characters. Really. I wish I did. But I don't.**

**THANKS: Lioness, Riza, Masha, Kenshin, Erick, DevilChile, Brinkmess, and Ramen. You guys are awesome. I s'pecially wanna thank DevilChile and Brinkmess for reviewing a TON. Thanks. :B And Devil? Hopefully we can get the Crimson Dawn out, either if Ramen can get inspired, or I'll take it on myself. (eventually, though it won't be as cool, because let's face it, Ramen has all the comedic skills, yo.)**

Anyways, syonara!  
Lady Pickles

**xXx**

"_But, I saw you up there.  
Still floating by the river.  
God, you always loved that river.  
I bet your heaven looks just like it._

Then I'll like it too, even though it scares me now.  
But when I'm with you.  
I'll be just fine, I'll be just fine.

We can sit, we can talk about, talk about...  
Butterflies. Butterflies. Butterflies."

**xXx**

**YELLOW BUTTERFLIES_  
_**_one-shot_

Luxord stood outside the door of the room, his eyes cast out into the hall. He couldn't understand how so much could go so wrong, so fast. Sliding down the wall, hands going through his hair, till he was sitting on the cold floor and feeling the cold stone in his chest grow heavier with each passing moment. Fingers gripped the blond strands, and he swallowed again, and closed his eyes, groaning slightly. Hadn't he shed enough tears to last him a lifetime? Hadn't he been through enough? He felt a small hand grip his sleeve, and he turned his head, blood shot eyes lingering on the small boy next to him, and he swallowed, bringing his son to his chest, wrapping his arms around the blonde boy, pressing his face into his son's hair, fighting not to cry again, when he knew he had to be the strong one. When he knew he had to be the one to fight. The boy lifted his head back, and looked up at him, tugging on his shirt.

"Mama waking up today? Is he?" Roxas asked, his eyes wider, waiting for the answer.

Luxord looked at him, opened his mouth to speak, but shut it, and shook his head, fingers brushing bangs back from his face, trying to find the words to say, to speak to this child, to make him understand, but in the end, there was no words to say it and he just shook his head, mouthing no, watching the disappointment in Roxas' eyes, while Luxord closed his own, and felt his own failure wash upon him, as he rubbed his son's back. There was no way to say that Axel was never waking up. He would never come back. His mind, his spirit.... were gone. He looked up to see the doctor walk into the room, and he only gripped his son tighter, looking over at the door, standing momentarily, to hold Roxas to his side, as he looked in, and watched as the Doctor turned to shut the machines off, fluffing Axel's pillows, and stand there, before close the clipboard by Axel's bed, turning to walk away, while Luxord stood there, Roxas watching with massive eyes, before pressing his face in his father's chest, as the heart monitor fell into a silent hum, alerting the ceasing of a heart, and the matted old bear by his head fell down a bit, as if everything was empty.

"Momma...." Roxas choked, and hugged Luxord tighter, as He closed his own eyes, and pressed a hand to his face, slumping against the door frame, unable to stand himself anymore.

**xXx five years prior xXx**

He had told his baby to not go near the river. Sora was only five. Axel and he had gone to the boy's favorite spot, where the butterflies lived, to have a picnic. The dandelions were bright and in bloom, and the air was warm. What he hadn't expected, was turning his back for a moment, to reach for some food, and hearing the river splash, looking around. There wasn't anything he could do, everyone told him. But he could still hear the screams, day, after day. _Mother! Save me please! _He had dashed into the water, and swam without thought, fighting to save his child. Fighting for his baby. The last thing he'd seen was Sora's face under the surface, floating down below grasp, eyes wide, empty, while the bear floated away, and Axel fought to find him, bring him back.

It took men, four of them, to drag Axel from the river. By then the rain had poured, and he was nearly passed out, having been there for hours, and hours, only dragged out because Luxord had thought they were missing, and called the cops. Sora's teddy bear was retrieved days later, cleaned, and the neighbor brought it from the station to the house. The lights were off. Luxord answered. The despondent look in his eyes said it all. He looked down, and took the bear, nodding to the woman with a silent thanks, as Roxas sat in the background, watching the television, unaware to the days events, as Luxord slowly shut the door, and turning to go back in.

Axel opened his eyes, days later, scraps, bruises, a broken ankle. Luxord was sitting next to his bed, as he swallowed, and choked out the news. The wail that tore from Axel's throat was enough to make the dead shriek, as he turned away from his husband, and screamed some more, fingers curling in the sheets, hiccuping sobs breaking from his body, wracking his frame, until he didn't think he was able to cry anymore. _Why can't anyone lie to me? He's home, he's home, crying for me now! _Axel lied to himself, the week he was in the hospital, eventually taken home, looking at all the pitying looks from others, who were glad it wasn't their child. And those without, only pitied because they couldn't understand.

The house grew colder, and colder. Roxas ran home from school with a project, running inside, to see a mountain of dishes, a pile of mail left on the counter, the dust in the house thicker, curtains shut, Axel sitting on the couch, staring off into the distance, slumped, despondent. Roxas ran over to him, crawling up into the couch, and trying to show him his macaroni project, as Axel looked over to him, and almost responded, but slumped, and looked away again, only seeing Sora in those blue eyes. Roxas fell in defeat, and stood, turning to walk away, holding the poster to himself as he dragged his bag to the table, and climbed up to attempt on his homework alone. Luxord only got in later, and Axel turned to look at him, but his husband never looked back in his direction, avoided his gaze, making Axel feel his heart wrench.

_Talk to me! Please! Isn't this pain punishment enough?!_

Axel couldn't look out the window, because in the window, was his reflection. He smacked his hand into a mirror, shattering the glass across the room. Panting heavily, and falling to the floor in wracking sobs, he reached weakly for a glass shard, and pressed the jagged edge to the soft skin of his wrist, resting his head on the counter, feeling his skin split open with each slice. Once for each time he was unable to cry a bit more. Lining his arms up thick. Luxord walked in, and nearly blew up, falling to a knee and dragging the glass away, picking Axel up. Rushed to the hospital where they closed his arms up, and sent him home, shaking their heads at Luxord, as he wheeled his husband out in a chair, while Axel hung his head, unkempt, matted, and wrung.

Luxord bathed Axel, made sure he ate a little, brushed his hair and dressed him, while Axel sunk deeper. Finding himself in his bed alone, as Luxord took to sleeping on the couch. Days later, Axel was moved to see a psychiatrist. The man sat in his chair as Axel looked to the ceiling. He shook his head, not able to speak, though over time, he repeats the same words, over, and over, _Luxord never talks to me anymore. Isn't this pain enough? Every monday I visit that same spot.... september comes again, and again, and each year my heart breaks... Isn't this pain? This guilt enough?!_

Five years flew by. Roxas grew, and made friends with boys in the neighborhood. They played soccor in the street. Luxord made barbeque dinners, and the home was clean. The sun went through. Axel trotted down the stairs, looking at his husband the two unable to see each other eye to eye anymore, as Axel felt his heart break again, and he shook his head, before turning to trot out the door, ignoring as Roxas screamed his goodbye and loves for his mommy. The redhead ignored everything, sliding into the car's driver side, and looked around, pulling out slowly, before driving away, his eyes on the road, watching as the rain began to fall again, turning the windshield wipers on. As he crossed the bridge, his eyes lingered on the water, seeing Soar's face. He didn't realize, as he turned the wheel, and kept going, over, over, and down, his child's face coming closer, and closer, till the water hit. _Baby, please, wait for me, breathe for me, I am here. I am here._

Luxord turned, seeing that his phone was ringing, and he blinked, before walking over, and reaching out to pick it up, answering. Roxas stepped in, as Luxord was sitting in a chair, slumped over a table, tears falling over his cheeks, fingers in his hair. The boy stood, and watched, before running in, screaming, demanding to know where his mother was, shaking Luxord's arm again, and again, and again, demanding to know where his mother was, as Luxord wrapped his arms around his son, pressing his face into the blonde hair, and shuddered out an answer, making Roxas cry, hugging him back.

The two watched as Axel was awake, sitting there with the doctor, answering his questions. _I saw his face in the water, I know it wasn't a mistake! Oh, my heart will break if I don't see him. _But there was nothing but more pills prescribed, as the Doctor walked over to set his orders in Luxord's hands, who looked over the doctor's shoulder at Axel, and shook his head, turning away, while Axel gripped the sheets tighter, choking up, screaming he wasn't wrong, he knew he was right. He knew it. He knew it.

Axel lay on the bathroom floor, the pills surrounded him, eyes distant, as he held his hand out, Sora sitting next to him, dancing the bear between them, and he smiled, stroking his son's cheek, a sweat breaking out on his body, as he coughed, and fell silent, the blue tint to his lips. Roxas woke, and stepped in, to see Axel laying there, and screamed, falling by him, as Axel continued to lay there, Luxord bounded up the stairs, and fell in to grab Axel, as Axel looked at the floor where Sora sat next to his twin, Roxas, and waved. _Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Where'd you go mommy?_

The coma set in, and Axel lay on the bed. Months passed, and the bills piled. Luxord threw a chair into a wall, finding himself unable to pay for it all. The notice telling him if he couldn't keep payments up, the hospital would have to pull the plug. With an estranged roar, Luxord threw plates on the floor, and tossed the table, smashing anything he could get his hands on, before sitting in the middle of the mess, head hanging, while Roxas stood in the livingroom, his eyes wide, bleeding over in tears, the house empty. Cold once again. Unable to move on, as if the life had been sucked out years ago, and nothing was bringing it back. The two remaining family members kept to themselves, their tears wet, and their pain raw.

Nothing was healing this pain. There was no recovering from this ever.

**xXx**

_Axel looked around, his eyes wide, heart bursting as he laughed, gripping himself in a hold, twirling around, as the dandelions bloomed. Turning he saw Sora sitting by the river, playing with his stuffed bear, turning to see Axel. "Mama! Mama I was good! I waited!" He called, getting up, and holding out the bear, while Axel looked at him, and couldn't help the burning sensation in his throat, as he laughed tears of joy, running across the grass, to swoop down and drag Sora up into his arms, and hold his baby close. The two smiled, as the sun rose, and Axel rubbed his nose against Sora's._

"Oh baby, you did, you did." He whispered, and kissed his cheek, as yellow butterflies fluttered around them, a few landing on them, and he turned to blow one that was on Sora's shoulder, the child giggling as he shooed one from Axel's hair. The world was perfect, finally, as they played forever in a field of yellow butterflies, next to the river so sweet.

**xXx**

If you survived this far, then you ARE a trooper!  
I'm still taking one-shot requests.  
So if you have a pairing, and a setting, and want me to write it out  
Then do so! :B  
Just gimmie a week to write it!  
Hahaha.


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